Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Hardy

Ho Boy! Thomas Hardy is going to have some fun tonight!

Emma Hardy disagrees.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Edwin M. McMillan

Edwin M. McMillan is really steamed that Todd Henderson asked Betsy-Sue to the prom before he had a chance to.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Gerjad Stolenberg

Gerjad Stolenberg smells the blood of an English man.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Yusuf Omar

Yusuf Omar is sorry, but he cannot get over how awesome your wallpaper is.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Dr. Marton

Dr. Marton has prepared a brief song and dance routine just for you.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Adrian Bejan

Adrian Bejan is very satisfied with his new X-Ray spectacles.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas

Alejandro Mamani is protective of his Christmas hat.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

D.B. Borokhov

D.B. Borokhov is going to get that fly if it's the last thing he does.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Emily Post

Emily Post is gonna teach all y'all bitches some muthafuckin' manners.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Ozawa Saburō was under the impression that you enjoyed his harmonica playing.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


The Imperial House of Japan must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Charles Evans Hughes

Charles Evans Hughes has unfastened his sport coat in anticipation of the festivities.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Jean Jadot

Jean Jadot is regarding his courtesans.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

I. D. du Plessis

I.D. du Plessis is wondering why the hell he showed up to this stupid event.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Dr. Ludwig Ritter von Köchel

Dr. Ludwig Ritter von Köchel does not understand why you insist on referring to him as "Bozo."

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Henrik Ibsen

Henrik Ibsen is wondering who let you in here.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Monsignor Hugh O'Flaherty

Monsignor Hugh O'Flaherty has strategically placed a whoopee cushion somewhere in the immediate vicinity.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


Harold W. Ross

Harold W. Ross cannot wait for recess.

Friday, October 10, 2008


Max I. Dimont

Max I. Dimont is wondering just how you plan on supporting his daughter.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Daniel Stern

Daniel Stern is reminiscing about his days as a champion knuckle rapper.

Friday, October 3, 2008

William F. Buckley, Jr.

William F. Buckley, Jr. was not aware that the pink elephants could play cricket.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Sam Cohen

Sam Cohen will not let the Russkies take his precious Gigi.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

George Steiner

George Steiner has been told to be wary of wolves on the path to Grandmother's house.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Dale Titler

Dale Titler is fully prepared to buy some ladies drinks tonight.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Louis Nizer

Louis Nizer is wondering which one of you yo-yos made that crack about his hair.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Samuel Beckett

Samuel Beckett has recently noticed that he has an insatiable appetite for braaaaaaaiiiins.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Robert Jungk

Robert Jungk isn't quite sure if it's bigger than a breadbox.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Samuel W. Mitcham, Jr.

Samuel W. Mitcham, Jr. is a very special boy.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Carl Schurz

Carl Schurz can stand the awful beating of that hideous heart no longer.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Sir Alexander Todd

Sir Alexander Todd fears that someone at this table is not taking Hungry Hungry Hippos seriously enough.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Lord Kelvin

Lord Kelvin's heart has reached absolute zero.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Robert Browning

Robert Browning would like another frosted cupcake.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Isaac Jacobson

Isaac Jacobson can never get these damn Magic Eye things to work

Monday, April 7, 2008

H. Leivick

H. Leivick is complacent with but not particularly enthused about your foibles.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Field-Marshal Earl Alexander of Tunis

Field-Marshal Earl Alexander of Tunis thinks that you are the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Joshua Henkin

Joshua Henkin is not a fan of the ol' "bucket of water above the door" gag.

Friday, April 4, 2008

I.A. Richards

I.A. Richards thinks he just heard the can opener.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Dr. Franklin H. Martin

Dr. Franklin H. Martin now comes with Action Kung-Fu Grip™.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Simon Dubnow

Simon Dubnow is disappointed with Mr. Valders' decision to hassle him.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Zeeshan Valders

Zeeshan Valders is lookin' for a fella to hassle.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Jacob Meir

Jacob Meir just came out for the Sports section.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Nathan Bistritzky

Nathan Bistritzky just realized that he left the gas on.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Ivan Nikitin

Ivan Nikitin would like you to fill that bag with non-consecutive unmarked rubles.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Salvador Lopez Herrera

Salvador Lopez Herrera would certainly disapprove if only he could bother to care.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Nathan A. Scott Jr.

Nathan A. Scott Jr. is not the least bit amused by saying 'cheese.'

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Rick Raphael

Rick Raphael is looking forward to tying a damsel to the railroad tracks this afternoon.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Andrew D. White

Andrew D. White is not interested in hearing your life story.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Y.L. Peretz

Y.L. Peretz is demanding your gun and your badge

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Alejandro Mamani

Alejandro Mamani is protective of his attractive hat.